he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
