he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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