People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
