i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
