No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
