I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
