ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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