Just cropdusted the office
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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