Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
