Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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