how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im six kinds of drunk right now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The best revenge is premature balding
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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