I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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