Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
