ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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