If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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