you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
