She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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