The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize