it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
