just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
