You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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