She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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