and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
