Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize