ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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