Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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