when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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