Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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