It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
