I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.