I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.