What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.