I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.