you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
worst night to have a conscience
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember