I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
