if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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