I can text with my tongue
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
