Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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