It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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