do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
