we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
