Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
