the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
