dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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