The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
