she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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