from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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