I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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