There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
