he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
