i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
