Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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