You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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