I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
