quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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