We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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