I didn't shave. On purpose
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
