I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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