the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
