I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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