Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nicole vs. Life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
