dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
