just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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