i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
